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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

the guide. coolness redefined.

so you wanna be a cool college guy huh? not with THAT attitude. ha ha. first off, if your answer's yes to the first question. you're automatically uncool. hi, i'm nuno. i am a junior college student, so technically i have pretty decent grades. i am not a 'cool person' as you should have already suspected because i just mentioned 'grades'. first tip about being a cool kid in college is that you never ever talk about classes, and you definitely never ever talk about grades. here are four more tips:

point 1.
hair: do you put effort into making your hair seem cool? don't. all cool kids put zero effort into their hair. When it's messy you do nothing. when it gets long, you never, under any circumstances pay for a haircut! there is nothing more uncool than paying somebody to cut your hair. you can either do it yourself, or occasionally push the hair out of your face with your fist. using fingers shows effort and that's simply uncool. some people put a lot of effort into making their hair look unkempt, like me, however that effort shows and often times your left looking considerably less cool, like me. oh, and if, unlike me you have facial hair, shave every third tuesday, but not with a blade, with a stick. the i-just-shaved look? shows too much effort. ya heard.

point 2.
clothes: hey when did you buy that outfit your wearing? did your answer start with a 'two-thousand?' because if so, you're not cool. the clothes you wear today should be the ones you wore in secondary school. the smaller, the more worn down the better. is your shirt so thin you can see your nipples through it? great. seasoned clothes are the new 'new'. now you're getting somewhere nerd. a point to note, branded shirts dont determine coolness. anything oldschool = instant cool. and i do mean oldschool as in oldschool. not old.

point 3.
demeanor: do not speak loudly. no cool person speaks loudly. say few, small, words but every once in a while drop a really big one just to show you've got the capability, you're just too cool to use it. example:
girl: hey
you: sup.
girl: i've never noticed you before. i like your shirt -- zoo york. huh? it's cute.
you: sup.
girl: i like your hair, is that effort I see?
you: you know it ain't, bitch. Sesquipedalian.
girl: * SWOOOOON *

point 4.
social life: i sincerely hope you're not reading this in public, because cool people do not 'check stuff out online.' they have 'msn messenger' but only sign on three minutes a week to show how little time they have to waste time online. on the weekends you have two options. you can be a reader, which means you're cool because you read non-nerdy long books like 'life of pi' or 'the omerta'. or you can be a guy in a band. all you need to pull that look off is a guitar case. or big ass headphones. or both.
if you put in a lot of effort, and follow these tips, you're automatically uncool. no cool person actually changes their personality after reading an article they found on the internet. more so on someone's blog. just be yourself, but not if you're nerdy. if you're indeed nerdy, follow these tips, and you should be cool. not Cool, cool, but like, better.

ya heard.

Sufian at 8:57 PM

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